Without You
by A.Baroness
Summary: Niles is facing a life without Daphne. Or is he? One-shot. Birthday fic for Kristen3!


**A/N**: For Kristen3, who is an awesome person and a brilliant writer! HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I had different plans, but this idea just wouldn't leave me alone.

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How ironic that it happened in winter. The season where everything withered and died, Niles thought bitterly. Just like his love. To be fair, though, this love didn't just die. No, it struggled, it fought, and eventually it packed its bags and just left. That's what Daphne had done anyway. Love was gone, she was gone. What was left was Niles, bathed in his misery, covered in self-pity. It was winter now, yes, but it must have happened, at least started, some time before now. A few more arguments here, a few rolled eyes there and suddenly they were questioning everything. Not only was nothing left of the sugary perfection, there was nothing left period. Their smiles became painful, the pressure to make it look as real as possible a heavy weight on their shoulders. Just _Before_, Niles had felt like a hamster in an eternal hamster wheel; first Maris, then Mel and now Daphne. Maybe it was him; hell, three different women and only him, it had to be his fault.

The pain of his shattered dreams cut him relentlessly. And there was another pain; seeing his mistake mirrored in everyone else's eyes. With Daphne leaving, he not only lost who he still believed to be the love of his life, he lost a friend. And his brother and father lost a friend, too. Because of Niles, all of this was lost now. Already he found himself visiting the apartment less and less. Absent-mindedly, he scratched his hand. It happened more often now; his skin pink and raw from being washed too often, way too thoroughly. Daphne would tell him that… she wouldn't tell him anything. They no longer saw each other and even if they did, would she even still look at him the same way? Could she still where he hurt, if he hurt? The most important question, though, he didn't even ask. Did she still care for him? Because Niles was certain that the answer might shatter him.

He no longer went to Nervosa either. The chances of running into Daphne were simply too great. He knew she was going to leave; she didn't tell him where she was going and he had no right to ask. As long as she was so close, though, he needed to be as far away as possible. Just in case. His heart and head pounded in unison, but Niles took another sip from his coffee. The half warm, bitter beverage trickled down his throat and he waited until the last moment to swallow. The coffee was just that bad. Nothing compared to Nervosa. Nothing compared to Daphne, either. He would have to start new. Again. He sighed, left the rest of his coffee and just went home.

The days seemed longer. He worked just as much – sometimes even more. Still, the hours stretched on uncomfortably and time mocked him occasionally, blatantly reminding him that he was all alone now. Not even his favorite pieces of classical music could drown out the silence that dripped from the walls. Niles was not used to living alone and having been around Daphne, who was so full of life, he knew he couldn't do this. Any of this. Niles turned off the music altogether and sighed. Concentrating on his own breathing pattern as a means of distraction, he switched off all the lights in the Montana. With heavy legs (but an even heavier heart) he went upstairs and into his bedroom. In the darkness it was easier to pretend; there were night when Niles pretended Daphne had never been in there in the first place. Their nights of passion were a figment of his imagination. A beautiful, unattainable dream. Then, at other times, he couldn't pretend she'd never been in his arms. The memories tickled his skin, scratched at his heart and left tiny little scars that might pale eventually; but they would never really go away. These nights were a different kind of pretend: Daphne was there in his bed. Who could tell the difference in the darkness anyway?

Tonight he decided he wanted to pretend their love story was just a dream. Because that dream was painted with light blues and pinks; happiness like rain pouring down on them. He went to bed and only felt the cold loneliness for a moment. When Niles closed his eyes, he pretended and he prayed. And then he finally dreamed.

Niles startled. He couldn't quite catch his breath; helplessly, he sat up in his bed and looked around. In the distance he could hear the gentle sound of early birdsong. The sun, however, was still trying to wake up. Just like he was.

"Niles? Is everything all right?" The voice was torn between concern and exhaustion.

"Daphne?" Niles' breath caught on her name. "You're – you're here."

"Where else would I be?" The sheets rustled and he figured she must have sat up as well. Her breath tickled his skin, her natural scent flew to his nose and surrounded him with a feeling of safety.

"I- I must have dreamed." Niles felt it all; the loss covered his skin and refused to come off. He'd been alone. All of this, Daphne by his side, he'd had it in the dream too. At least the memory of it. He'd lost it. And the fear now that he was awake was still there. It sat inside him waiting to attack again.

"That must have been some kind of dream." Daphne's warm hand on his arm was very much real. How could Niles tell if this was the reality and not the dream? What if the dream was the reality and this just his imagination? His breath accelerated again and left him speechless.

"Niles, you're scaring me." It was something in her voice that made him snap out of it. This was it; this was reality. He turned away from her to look at his watch. Niles watched as the hands moved on steadily. Not a dream.

"I'm sorry, my love. It just felt so…real."

"Do you want to talk about it? I know I'm no psychiatrist like you and your brother, but I can listen."

"I dreamed that we broke up."

"Why?"

"I don't know. We just – it just didn't work out." It had always been his greatest fear after all. And this dream had given him a glimpse of what that life could be like. Had reminded him that there was a chance they wouldn't work out in the end. A life without Daphne. Niles swallowed hard.

"You don't need to worry about that." Daphne whispered and kissed his cheek.

"But I do, don't I?" He debated turning on the light to look into her eyes. For some reason it was so much easier to tell the truth in the darkness, though.

"Aren't you happy?"

"Oh Daphne!" He leaned over and kissed her quickly, but thoroughly. "I've never been this happy. That's why I'm so scared to-"

"Shhhh." Daphne silenced him with a kiss of her own. "With everything we've already been through? With all these years of friendship? You really think this is in any kind of danger?"

"Daphne, people change. I've seen it happen and when you came back after your stay at the Spa and Frasier said that- you know there _is_ a chance this won't work out."

"I have a very good feeling about this." She told him. "And you know I'm a bit psychic." There was a smile in her voice and he wished he could see it. Instead he kissed her lips to feel it.

"I love you." Niles whispered against her lips. He knew there were no guarantees; all he knew was that he loved her more than anything right now. And judging by her words and her actions, Daphne felt the same. It was enough for now.

"How about I make you forget about that dream?"

"You think you can do that?" Niles asked, his brain slow to follow his thoughts as Daphne started trailing kisses along his neck.

"Oh, I know I can."

And she kept her promise.

**THE END**


End file.
